16 Hilarious Tweets About Kids That Are As Cute As They Are Savage

“[watching Tangled with my Daughter] Daughter: do you think Rapunzel buys her shampoo at Costco?”

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1.

My daughter just wrote a rap song about me called ‘When her husband goes out she just eats Salmon’. I am now officially even less cool than I had previously suspected.

My daughter just wrote a rap song about me called ‘When her husband goes out she just eats Salmon’. I am now officially even less cool than I had previously suspected.

2.

Kid in my son’s class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has “the pretty mom and the other mom.” She described each to me in some detail. 

Reader, both are me.

Kid in my son’s class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has “the pretty mom and the other mom.” She described each to me in some detail.

Reader, both are me.

3.

When Jasper wanted to tie his hair up I was fine because I’m a liberal parent. 
When he wanted a bow, I was happy that he was happy. 
But now he’s insisting on wearing one sock on his hand and waving like he’s the Queen, and I don’t know if it’s time to rein him in

When Jasper wanted to tie his hair up I was fine because I’m a liberal parent.
When he wanted a bow, I was happy that he was happy.
But now he’s insisting on wearing one sock on his hand and waving like he’s the Queen, and I don’t know if it’s time to rein him in

6.

Just witnessed a child in a zero waste shop yell ‘LENTILS’ before opening the lentil pipe and allowing them to gush forth. Chaos. Lentils everywhere

Just witnessed a child in a zero waste shop yell ‘LENTILS’ before opening the lentil pipe and allowing them to gush forth. Chaos. Lentils everywhere

7.

My son asked me

My son asked me
“Where does poo come from?”
I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.
He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, “And Tigger?”

9.

Today my 5 yr old niece borrowed my phone to ask Siri: “why are butterfly wings so soft that I cannot even touch them?” then she called 911.

Today my 5 yr old niece borrowed my phone to ask Siri: “why are butterfly wings so soft that I cannot even touch them?” then she called 911.

10.

My daughter’s new thing is to yell from across the house “DO YOU NEED A BEER?” and then travel to our downstairs mini-fridge and trek back. Usually, she does not grab a beer. Just now, it was a LaCroix. But I appreciate the effort.

My daughter’s new thing is to yell from across the house “DO YOU NEED A BEER?” and then travel to our downstairs mini-fridge and trek back. Usually, she does not grab a beer. Just now, it was a LaCroix. But I appreciate the effort.

11.

I still think about that three year old who I sedated for an MRI and when it was done she said 

‘wrap me up like a burrito and SHOW ME MY BONES’

I still think about that three year old who I sedated for an MRI and when it was done she said

‘wrap me up like a burrito and SHOW ME MY BONES’

12.

lmaooo i was explaining menstruation to my daughter and i told her most women make extra blood every month in case they need to grow a baby. she said “babies are vampires” and i was like

lmaooo i was explaining menstruation to my daughter and i told her most women make extra blood every month in case they need to grow a baby. she said “babies are vampires” and i was like

13.

[watching Tangled with my Daughter]

Daughter: dada 

Me: yes?

Daughter: do you think Rapunzel buys her shampoo at Costco?

Me: I mean-I do now.

[watching Tangled with my Daughter]

Daughter: dada

Me: yes?

Daughter: do you think Rapunzel buys her shampoo at Costco?

Me: I mean-I do now.

14.

I took my son to the doctor because he had a fever last night. Dr asked what it was and 10 fronted me out, “Oh she doesn’t know the number. She used her therMOMeter. You know? Kiss on the forehead and then she said oh, you have a fever.”

Dr. nodding his head, “Accurate.”

I took my son to the doctor because he had a fever last night. Dr asked what it was and 10 fronted me out, “Oh she doesn’t know the number. She used her therMOMeter. You know? Kiss on the forehead and then she said oh, you have a fever.”

Dr. nodding his head, “Accurate.”

15.

my three year old niece ordering the jacket potato then crying when it arrived because she thought it was a potato wearing a jacket was the highlight of my night like

my three year old niece ordering the jacket potato then crying when it arrived because she thought it was a potato wearing a jacket was the highlight of my night like

16.

My son this morning at breakfast said,

My son this morning at breakfast said, “I tried to be funny, but it turned into a disaster,” thus proving he is ready to join Twitter.

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